The fluctuations of my thoughts and perceptions have intrigued me since a very early age. As a young child I would often ponder the experiences and perceptions of animals and people, whether they are different from mine – and if they were, what might the differences be. As the years went on, I noticed that my own perceptions of the same things like certain foods or people, or places would change. How I experienced the touch of certain materials, smells comforts and discomforts, things that I once liked and things that I once disliked would fluctuate or change.
As a child, I experienced many little physical pains and discomforts that disappeared for the most part when I changed my lifestyle in my mid thirties. I switched to organic mostly raw vegan living foods. I noticed that my perceptions of my experiences also began to change.
Some years after the lifestyle change, I experienced a period of almost one month, a state where my perceptions of life and physical experiences were radically different from what I recall ever experiencing. Pain, comfort and discomfort, though they were experienced, they were perceived differently. They were perceived equally and categorized as sensations – neither good nor bad. Though they were different, they were not perceived as and therefore not experienced as pain or pleasure., comfort or discomfort. They just simply were what they were – different sensations.
During that period, I had a dentist appointment that required a couple fillings to be removed and refilled. They were deep fillings that did not quite need a bridge yet but were on watch for one. They still qualified for a filling. The dentist would try to talk me into receiving anesthesia when ever work was being conducted on these teeth . But I would always refuse the medication. Though the dentist was use to me refusing any form of anesthesia, before this time, I would hold on to the arm rests very tightly and keep very stiff through the procedures, occasionally asking the dentist to stop so that I could regroup from the pain experienced while drilling. Now, I was completely relaxed and did not ask for any breaks. I was so relaxed, that the dentist would stop on his own and check to make sure I was awake. He was concerned that if I was asleep or passed out during the procedure and that I might flinch while drilling. He was concerned that this could lead to injury. I kept assuring him that I was awake but he would still stop to check anyways. What I once perceived as painful was no longer categorized as anything other than a different sensation experience. The bridge to judging the experience as painful, uncomfortable, and at times almost torture was not there.
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After these weeks had passed, the ability to maintain this mindset toward sensations diminished and was eventually forgotten – except I was still able to remain much more relaxed during dental procedures because I was able to on some level practice the letting go of the experience of the sensation quickly enough so that the sensations did not build to a level that I could not tolerate..
The following year I had replaced all my metal fillings with ceramic fillings. All 11 were done in one sitting without any anesthetic. The ability to sit in the dental chair now since I was graced with the awareness that I just described from the year before, was a meditative relaxing one in contrast with what I experienced until this time, a stressful, tense and painful experience.
This brings to question the reality of my perceived experiences and how they affect the way I perceive and live my life today. I will write about next time.